Sunday, January 19, 2014

8 sentences


 


Drayden could feel it heavy in his soul. An all consuming despair that wouldn't go away unless he could find the one thing unique to him in order to cure it. He would end up the mistress of an elf disease known as the Feral. Anger filled his heart, it wasn't supposed to come, yet here the Feral was to take over his essence, to corrupt it, to break him. Drayden flung his cup across the kitchen. It shattered along the solid wood wall. His body tensed and he ground his teeth. There was not an elfing thing he could do to stop it.

~From my current WIP

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Weekend Writing Warriors

18 comments:

  1. To find the thing that's unique to him? Intriguing! Makes me wonder what exactly the consequences of the "Feral" will be if he doesn't find it..

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  2. Intense. Left me wondering what will happen now!

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  3. Wow, I feel his despair, really well described. Just one question - "he would end up the mistress of..." But if he's a guy, how can he be a mistress? Wondered if there were a few words missing? I definitely want to read more in this story, great snippet!

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  4. Powerful description of his torment and inner thoughts. 'Elfing thing?' Humor in the midst of angst.

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  5. wow, very visual and emotional scene. I love your play on words in the last line. great 8

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  6. Wow, great 8. I am right there with the character. Well done!

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  7. And there's not an elfing thing I can do to keep myself from returning next week to find out more! Wonderful work! Oh, and I love the background theme of your blog - so majestic!

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  8. Fantastic description and an interesting use of language. I'm properly intrigued. Well done! Beautiful web site too!

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  9. Love the wordplay, and the emotion in the scene. I'm wondering about the Feral now, and if maybe there is a way to stop it.

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  10. Love the wordplay and emotion. I'm wondering about what the Feral is, and if maybe there is something he can do to stop it.

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  11. The beginning was so tense but I LOVE that last line - A great hint of humor

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  12. The beginning was so tense, but I LOVE the last line - a great hint of humor

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  13. Interesting concept! You've got me wondering.

    I know this is a draft, but watch your "it"s. You've got quite a few of them, and they all need something they clearly refer to.

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  14. Humor amidst despair! I love it!

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  15. Humor. Mystery. Smexy. I love your brain, Lady Elf Queen! *winks*

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  16. I know it's a little unfair to nitpick a short snippet without context, but there seems to be a lot of telling instead of showing in those sentences. Still, you've got plenty of emotional content to hook me in. I laughed at the last sentence too, but wondered if it was a cheap laugh based on the anachronistic pun.

    Okay, I'll stop nitpicking now and say thanks so much for sharing with us, and nice to meet you!

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  17. I am catching up and am so glad I backtracked. This character and the scene itself has me hooked.

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  18. Love this! Can't wait to read your books.

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